To obtain interpersonal competency you need to think about what you value and the cost and rewards the interaction is going to give you.
Interdependence Theory suggests that we consider the cost and rewards when mixing with other people. When considering the cost and rewards we will consider if the person can satisfy our highest value. The value is interchangeable and is used to compare, which means that I can choose to interact with somebody because they are confident but they talk too much. I value confidence highly and willing to overlook verbosity, therefore I am willing to compensate. The cost of "confidence" will provide me with rewards of positive energy: I am investing in good energy. To do this I will provide the other person with silence so they will be heard as they prefer being verbose. Therefore we are okay communicating as we are willing to compensate. Over time, the way I think will change because I realise that verbose people aren't that bad. Even though Attachment Theory suggests that the way we think is stable (some theorists do say it can change over time) Interdependence Theory says it is susceptible to change, depending on whether we are willing to compensate so we can gain the necessary rewards: the rewards is far greater than the cost.
In a nutshell, what Interdependence Theory suggests is that we are always assessing other people's styles because of the outcomes it produces. The outcomes will provide internal satisfaction (and exceed it). If the value the other person is not as satisfying then we will feel discontent and look for alternatives. We are also willing to compensate by overlooking styles that we don't really value as other parts of the person provides high intrinsic value; making us more flexible.
On the other hand we can become dependent (rather than remaining interdependent) on the other person, and overlook a quality that does not match our value. This is why some people choose to stay in abusive relationships or work with abusive colleagues. Even though they may value respect, they don't have enough or relevant education to get out of it and therefore feel they have to put up with it. To overcome this possibility, always consider what you value. If the person doesn't match it and leaves you feeling unhappy and dissatisfied, then consider what is the cost and rewards you are gaining. If the cost is your happiness and the reward is financial dependence/convenience, then decide is it really worth what you are missing out on and can you get that reward elsewhere. Interdependence Theory suggests that people start to explore opportunities for more satisfying outcomes by considering the rewards and costs. What is the reward going to cost you? Realise you have the power to decide what is best for you, especially after you learn what you value.
Source: Blackwell Handbook of Social Psychology: Interpersonal Processes, Edited by Garth Fletcher and Margaret Clark. Blackwell Publishing, 2003, USA.
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